短一点英语笑话100篇

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短一点英语笑话100篇



It was that time during the Sunday morning service for "the children's sermon," and all the children were invited to come forward.

One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastorleaned over and said to her, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's hell to iron."

The teacher advised the class to start the day with the Pledge of

Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.

"Little Johnny, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart."

Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."

After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"

"Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie." One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."


A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.

During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.

"No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."

One of the teachers had a kindergartener come up to her and say that he had found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead. The student said it was dead. The teacher asked how he knew. The boy said, "I pissed in its ear." The teacher said, "You what?"

He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."

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